Entry for December 02, 2008

Few months ago, I went back home.Actually, it was tough time for me coz I needed to start my life again,and leave everything behind

It's tough time but coz i still believe i can overcome it...so I can stand it

Later on, I lost 3 friendships in 1 month. I didnt explain anything at this time coz I believe that there is someday they wana listen to me...so I can stand it

1 month later, I refused a good job.Everyone include my family didnt understand me,no one gave me 1 min to let me explain what I was thinking.But I still believe one day, they will understand why I did like that...so I can stand it

During these months, I never can forget what i need to, I still care every steps, everything happends.But coz m very good at pretending, so I can stand it

I used to say to someone:" if u r happy,then m happi".Yah, at least m hurt alone is better than 2 ppl hurt

During these months, sometimes I was too down.But coz I still believe I got tears..tears make me strong later...so I can stand it.

During these months, m still online, read blog.I tried to act as usual coz I believe there is some day, I can be myself again...so I can stand it

And m still fine, still give all my life for earning money!

but today,in this min, I got some weird feeling and it helps me find out

I dun wana explain or do anything for friendship. My friends,who wana leave, just leave.It's weird coz I dun feel hurt anymore!It is not me

I come to company 8hrs and I didnt talk to anyone,ppl r nice,friendly, I still feel that I just wana be alone.It is not me

I put myself deeply in watching movie, but it doesnt help me to forget real life anymore.It is not me

Ppl misunderstood abt me, it is fine, I dun wana even ask them back why they think like that.It is not me

I hate reading blog, especially sad entry.It is not me

I cant cry, it is not me

The sentence I said , now i dun think m that good. I feel so hurt, I feel unfair,why I need to be like now.It is not me

I feel very disappointed abt myself now. Everytime I cheer myself up by saying "I can do it". But the truth is I cant

I feel like I live with someone else's life

I lost alot of things in life but I still believe that I can overcome all hardness,I still believe time will heal any wound

But how is going if...I LOST MYSELF????????????